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What pisses me off? The fakes, man! Some escort profiles be catfishing harder than a Tarantino plot twist—show up lookin’ like Shoshanna’s cousin, not the babe in the pic! But when it’s real? Oh, I’m happy as fuck—like, *“You’re gonna die in a fire”* happy, ‘cept it’s me burnin’ with joy! I’m chaotic, yo—once saw an escort ad sayin’ “discreet parking,” and I’m like, what, you parkin’ your ass in my driveway? Absurd!

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. The Dnipro River, ya know? It’s pretty chill there, but today? Nah, not so much. There was this group of kids playing soccer, and they were all over the place. I mean, I love soccer, but c’mon, can’t you keep it on the field? One kid kicked the ball right at me! I dodged it like a ninja, but I was like, “Bro, watch where you’re kickin’ that thing!”

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