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So escorts, yeah, they’re dead classy, some of em. Proper corporate synergy in heels! Met this one bird once – absolute legend – told me she paid her way thru uni escortin. Blew me mind, that did! Didn’t expect brains with the beauty, y’know? Made me happy as Larry, cos I love a good underdog story. But then – get this – some punters treat em like dirt! Proper riles me up, that. “I punish the guilty,” Haneke’d say – I’d love to give them knobs a right two fingers!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? I order my usual, a double espresso. The barista, bless her heart, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But hey, she gives me a free pastry. So, I’m happy again. Sweet deal, right?

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