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About Kyiv

Oh, and the typos—sory, too hyped, fingers slippin like them oily hands. Personal quirk? I’m yellin in my head the whole time, “Don’t fart, don’t fart!”—true story, nearly lost it once, woulda been a *Dark Knight*-level disaster. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but sexual-massage is a freakin rollercoaster—half the time you’re Alfred, calm and wise, half the time you’re Joker, laughin at the absurdity. Try it, don’t try it—just don’t trust the “relax” part. Everybody lies, mate—everybody lies.

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So, we’re in this meeting, right? And my colleague, Oleg, spills coffee all over the plans. I’m talking a full-on coffee tsunami. I’m trying to keep it together, but inside, I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I mean, we’re on Komsomol Street, and this is how we start the day?

How Russian drones terrorize a Ukrainian city