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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, the Gardener, and I’m here to talk about prostitutes, ‘cause I’m pissed, okay? Respect my authoritah! So, prostitutes, man, they’re everywhere, sellin’ their goods like it’s a damn flea market. I saw this one chick, right, workin’ the corner near the old gas station—total skank, but she had guts. Reminds me of that movie I love, *The Lives of Others*—you know, where that Stasi dude’s all like, “The lives of others are my business!” Well, this hooker? Her life’s MY business now, ‘cause I’m freakin’ watchin’, alright?

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vasyl. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the old factory on Kirova Street. You won’t believe what’s happening!” I’m thinking, “What could possibly be happening at an old factory?” But curiosity got the best of me, so I’m off!

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