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About Zaporizhzhia

Oh, and funniest shit ever—dude sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it. A RULER! I’m dyin’, like, “Bro, I ain’t measurin’ your past lives!” Sex-dating’s got these clowns, but it’s all part of the ride. You laugh, you cry, you swipe again.

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So, I decide to stroll down to the market on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with all the fresh produce and those crazy vendors? I’m dodging people left and right, and I spot this old lady selling the juiciest tomatoes. I’m talking about tomatoes that look like they’ve been kissed by the sun. I grab a few, and she starts telling me about her garden. I’m like, “Lady, I just want the tomatoes, not a life story!” But she’s relentless. I’m smiling, but inside, I’m like, “C’mon, I got places to be!”

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