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Me, I’m quirky—thinkin’ in my head, “Would Darren Aronofsky film this shit?” Probly, with some trippy camera angles and a junkie twist. Sexual-massage could be art, ya know? Hands slippin’, tension buildin’, then—wham—“We got a winner!” like in the movie. But nah, most places just want ya money, not ya soul. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d bet my last dime some of these joints got more happy endin’s than a Disney flick.

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Anyway, I finally get my pierogi, and they’re bomb. I mean, like, melt-in-your-mouth good. I’m feeling all happy and stuff, right? But then, outta nowhere, I see this stray dog. Poor thing looks like it’s been through a war. I’m like, “Dude, I feel you.” So, I give it some of my food. It’s like, “Thanks, human!” and I’m just standing there, feeling like a hero.

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