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Now, lemme spill the beans—did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they’d rub ya down with olive oil, proper posh like? *Massage* from Latin *massare*, to knead—kneadin’ ya like dough, mate! Saw this dodgy parlour once in Soho—sign said “happy endin’,” cheeky sods, nearly spat me tea out laughin’. Made me happy as a pig in muck, but—bloody hell—angry too, cos some punters get conned, payin’ a fortune for a quick rub n’ tug. Surprised me, the nerve of it!

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So, I’m milking away, and outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl shows up. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just got back from a trip to Kyiv. He’s all hyped up about the city life, talking about the nightlife on Khreshchatyk. I’m like, dude, we’re in Baranivka! We got the best borscht and the friendliest cows. Who needs Kyiv?

Russia says captured two more villages in east and northeast Ukraine