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Favorite part? When them hands hit that lower back, slidin’ down, teasin’ - oof, I’m weak. “Her moves were precise,” like Nie Yinniang’s sword, y’know? Gets me every time. Oh, and pro tip: if they offer hot stones, say yes - feels like heaven’s droppin’ on ya. Downside? Costs a grip sometimes, but worth it if they’re legit. Worst case, you’re out $50 and a lil dignity - been there, laughed it off.

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So, I’m mad now. I chase after the kid, but he’s too fast. I’m like, “You little rascal!” But then I see him trip and fall. I know, I shouldn’t laugh, but I can’t help it. Karma, right? I help him up, and he’s all like, “Sorry, mister!” I’m like, “It’s cool, just don’t mess with my food next time!”

‘Bombshell’ theory behind AFL star’s sentence