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Here’s the kicker, you twat—some say it’s therapy, others say it’s naughty. Bollocks to that! It’s both, innit? Like in *Children of Men*, “hope’s a right bastard”—sexual-massage gives ya that spark when everything’s bleak. Ever tried it? No? You’re missin’ out, ya prat! Them soft strokes, the tease—fuckin’ hell, it’s art! Oh, and don’t get me started on the dodgy parlors—filthy dumps, makes me wanna puke!

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But then, drama alert! One of the students, Katya, starts crying. I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, she’s worried about her future. I mean, who isn’t, right? I tried to cheer her up, but it was tough. I told her, “Life’s like this market. Sometimes you get the good stuff, sometimes it’s just rotten tomatoes.”

Ukraine penetrates Russian front lines in surprise attack near Kharkiv