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About Zaporizhzhia

Gets me riled up, all this pretendin’. Happy? Nah, never – surprises me though, how daft punters are. One geezer, swear down, paid an escort to just sit there, silent, like some livin’ statue. “Her breathing’s enough,” he says – mate, you’re off yer rocker! Reminds me of that film line, “She’s alive, but not really.” Creepy, innit? We’s gobsmacked, precious – who’s that lonely?

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I dwell in and escort is splendid! I want to dance with you under the moonlight. French Kissing and Full Body Sensual Massage never fail to impress me. I'm not.

But then, I see this guy trying to sell me some weird-looking fish. Like, what even is that? I’m like, “Nah, bro, I’m good.” He gets all defensive, starts yelling about how it’s the best fish in Ukraine. I’m just trying to buy some groceries, not start a fish war!

‘It brings back a sense of belonging’: Bakhmut was destroyed by Russia – but the town lives on through its newspaper