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What ticks me off? Some snobby critics say escort’s just noise. NOISE?! That’s my JAM, ya barnacle heads! Gets me all riled up, like when Squidward yells at me for breathin’. But then, their song “All the Rage”—so catchy, I forgave ‘em all! Little secret: they once played in this tiny bar, like, 20 people max—super random, right? Felt like I was in on somethin’ special, like findin’ a pearl in a clam!

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So, I’m walking down Kirova Street, and I see this old lady selling pirozhki. I mean, who can resist? I grab one, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m talking crispy, warm, and stuffed with potatoes. I’m in heaven! But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, bumps into me, and my pirozhki goes flying. I’m like, “Noooo!” It’s like my heart just shattered.

Activists distribute symbols of resistance across five cities in Crimea