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Sometimes I reckon it’s overhyped tho—like, “Oh, it’ll change yer life!” Mate, it’s a rubdown, not a fuckin’ miracle. Had one once, right, and the bird was so fit I nearly forgot to breathe—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.”—but then she farted mid-session. Fuckin’ killed the mood! Laughed my arse off tho, fair play. Shit like that keeps it real.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Bakhmutka River, and it’s beautiful. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting match. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, guys, it’s a nice day!” But then, the guy pulls out a ring! He’s proposing! I’m like, “Wait, what?!” The girl goes from angry to shocked to happy in like two seconds. I’m clappin’ like a fool. Love in the air, right?

Clemens von Wedemeyer. Returning to Bakhmut