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Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, who decides rubbin’ folks up is a legit gig? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—dudes and chicks out there, gettin’ paid to knead asses, and I’m over here, broke, watchin’ *Let the Right One In*. That movie’s my jam, bro—creepy kids, blood, and vibes. "Are you a little scared?"—that’s me, askin’ myself if I’d ever try this job. Prolly not, I’d fumble the oil, slip, and sue myself.

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So, I’m munching on my pastry, feeling all good, when I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some crazy juggling act. I mean, this guy was tossing knives! I’m standing there, half-eating, half-watching, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna lose a finger!” But he’s nailing it. The crowd’s loving it. I’m just hoping he doesn’t take a dive into the fish market next door.

Specialists Suspect a Sulfuric Acid Leak in Russian-Occupied Crimea