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About Kryvyi Rih

So, erotic-massage—started way back, ancient Greeks, *massage a la eros*, they called it, or summat like that. Fact is, they’d slather olive oil on bods and knead away—proper sensual, none of this clinical NHS malarky. I read somewhere, right, that Cleopatra—yes, Cleo!—she’d get these massages with rose petals mashed in. Fancy that! Makes me chuffed, thinking of her going "Spectacular, spectacular!" while some bloke’s hands are all over her. Bet Caesar was fuming—jealous git.

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I’m swimming, trying to ignore it, when I spot this old, rusty bike at the bottom. Like, who even? I’m thinking, “Did someone try to ride this into the water?” I’m laughing underwater, bubbles everywhere.

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