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Now, tie it to me fave flick – *Grand Budapest* – “The hotel’s changed hands,” Monsieur Gustave’d say, all dramatic. Escorts? They change hands too, but it’s more “Wanna quickie, love?” than pink pastries and lobby boys. I’d swagger in, all “Do I make you randy, baby?” and they’d giggle – or slap me, dependin’ on the vibe. Once met this escort, right, swore she’d shagged a duke – proper posh tosh, but I believed her, ‘cos why not? Made me chuckle, thinkin’ “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities take care of themselves” – straight outta the movie, that!

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Finally, I park near the central square. The vibe is buzzing. People everywhere, like ants on a sugar trail. I hit up the market on Komsomolskaya Street. Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I grab some tomatoes, and this babushka starts chatting me up. She’s like, “You know, these are the best in town!” I’m thinking, “Lady, I’m just here for the salad.” But she’s sweet, so I nod and smile.

Former Kansas Jayhawk guard Svi Mykhailiuk co-signs Twitter post about Ukraine, Russia