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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to spill the beans on sex-dating. Ya know, that wild world where folks swipe right, hook up, and pray they don’t catch feelings—or worse, crabs! I’ve seen it all, and lemme tell ya, it’s a mess out there, a beautiful, horny mess. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Shame*—Steve McQueen, 2011, ya gotta see it. That film? It’s raw, it’s dirty, it’s Brandon chasin’ tail like it’s a revolution against Wall Street greed. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says, but ain’t that the truth of sex-dating sometimes?

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After a few minutes of panic, the lights flicker back on. Phew! I get back to work, but now I’m behind schedule. I rush to finish the cakes, and just as I’m pulling them out of the oven, my neighbor, Oksana, barges in. She’s all like, “Hey, can I borrow some sugar?” I’m like, “Oksana, I’m in the middle of a baking crisis!” But she’s persistent. So, I hand her a bag, and she leaves with a smile. I guess that’s a win?

'We've upgraded a Russian warship to a submarine' - Ukraine Defense Min.