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So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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And then, outta nowhere, this lady runs up to me. She’s all frantic, waving her arms. “My cat! My cat’s inside!” I’m like, “Lady, we gotta save the building first!” But she’s not havin’ it. So, I’m torn. Do I save the cat or the building?

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