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Alright, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, agronomist extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk about wheat—yeah, wheat, you heard me! Respect my authoritah! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *The Hurt Locker*, and how wheat’s like a damn bomb waitin’ to go off in yer stupid fields. Seriouslah, wheat’s a sneaky lil’ whore, ain’t it? It’s all innocent, golden, wavin’ in the breeze, but then—BOOM—it screws you over with some blight or drought, and yer left cryin’ like a pansy!

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And let me tell ya, this guy was somethin’ else. He was jugglin’ fire, and I’m standin’ there, half impressed, half terrified. Like, what if he drops one? I’d be toast! But then, he pulls out this crazy trick with a yo-yo, and I’m like, “Okay, that’s kinda cool.” I even laughed, which is rare for me.

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