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So, you wanna find a hooker? First off, don’t be a dumbass. Ain’t no yellow pages for this crap anymore—world’s gone soft. Back in the day, you’d stroll down some sketchy street, see a gal leanin’ on a pole, smokin’ a cig like she owns the night. Now? It’s all online, shady apps, coded words— “massage specials,” my ass. I hate technology. Makes me wanna punch a computer. Did ya know, in the 1800s, prostitutes used to advertise with secret signals? Like a red ribbon on a door. Cool as hell, but I’d still burn the door down.

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First off, I hit up the local breakfast spot on Zhongzheng Rd. You know, the one with the best dan bing? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the lady behind the counter gave me that look. You know the one. Like, “You again?” But hey, I’m a regular! Anyway, I scarfed it down, and it was delish. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes.

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