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I tried it once—total accident, swear! Booked a “deep tissue” thing, next thing I know, candles, weird music, and this chick’s whisperin’ somethin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, just don’t flow near my donut stash!” Made me happy as hell—felt like a king, y’know? But then—argh!—she charged me double! Said it was “special service.” Special my ass—nearly choked on my beer when I saw the bill!

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Oh man, lemme tell ya 'bout Puli (tw)! So I'm a womens' counselor here, and I've been livin' in this crazy town for years. R2-D2, where are you? I'm sweatin' just thinkin' 'bout it! There's streets like Zhongshan Rd – yup, that one – full of neat little shops and cozy tea spots where I often run into folks needing a kinda pep talk. And, uh, there's Minsheng St. too, a real goldmine for local gossip and, err, secret smiles.

Olivier Zatka has been appointed General Manager at The PuLi Hotel and Spa in Shanghai