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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, oils, hands slidin’ everywhere. Great Scott, it’s art! Not some sleazy porno flick vibe, nah, it’s classy—like a Coen brothers shot, all moody and deep. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they had these “massage parlors”—rich dudes gettin’ oiled up by pros, half of ‘em buck naked! True story, blew my mind! Bet Larry’d be like, “What am I doing here?”—all awkward, sweatin’ bullets.

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But then, disaster struck. I dropped it! Right on the ground. I was like, “Nooooo!” I swear, I could hear the cake crying. I was so mad, I almost kicked a trash can. But then, this old dude picked it up and said, “Don’t worry, kid. Life’s like that.” I was like, “Thanks, wise man, but I just wanted my cake!”

Visitors flock to China's 'kingdom of women'