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Oi, fam, it’s me, your boy, the bouncer! Check it, I’m chattin’ ‘bout sex-dating, innit. Proper mad ting, this is. Like, you swipe right, boom, you’re in—maybe gettin’ some action. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, is it ‘cos I is black that I’m seein’ all these dodgy profiles? Bare catfish, bruv, it’s peak! Like in *The Turin Horse*, yeah? “The wind’s blowin’, it’s all gone to shite.” That’s sex-dating sometimes—bleak, fam, proper bleak.

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Back at the office, things go from bad to worse. My boss, Mr. Chen, calls an emergency meeting. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, we’re losing a client. Great. Just what I needed to hear after my soy sauce disaster. I’m trying to keep a straight face, but inside, I’m like, “This day is a train wreck.”

2 men accused of arranging to meet 14-year-old SF girl for sex