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Anyway, we’re chattin, and I’m thinkin, “This chick’s got guts.” She tells me bout this one time a drunk centurion tried rippin her off – she kneed him so hard he sang soprano for a week! Hella funny, I’m crackin up, picturin that loser stumblin off. But then – ugh – this slimy creep butts in, all, “Oi, she’s mine!” Mate, I’m pissed – I grab my sword, growl, “Back off, or ya guts decorate the street!” He bolts, coward. Happy lil trees don’t need that drama.

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level. I ducked into a 7-Eleven on Minquan Rd. to wait it out. I grabbed a boba tea, ofc. Can’t go wrong with that! But while I was sippin’, I saw this dude outside, totally soaked, trying to fix his bike. I felt bad for him, but also, I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, bro, why you even tryin’?

MasterChef Italia’s first ethnically Chinese winner on food and identity