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I’m typin this fast, probs fucked up ten words already, who gives a toss? Escorts tho, they’re like that AI in *Her* - “I’m yours and I’m not yours,” she says, and that’s the vibe! Ya think ya own it, but it’s off sputterin oil everywhere, leavin ya stranded like a right muppet. Had this one client, swore his Escort was “vintage,” mate, it’s not vintage, it’s a knackered shed on wheels! Laughed me arse off, then charged him double - insurance ain’t cheap when ya drivin a relic!

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I hand the cat to the lady, and she’s crying. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, happy ending, whatever.” But then, she hugs me. I’m not a hugger, man! I’m all sweaty and gross. But I can’t push her away. So, I just stand there, awkwardly patting her back.

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