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She’s laughin’, I’m blushin’—face redder than a smacked bum. “Ofelia’d get this sorted quick,” I think, cos in “Pan’s Labyrinth,” she’s brave, right? Me? I’m a flippin’ mess! So I ask, “How’s this work then?” She’s like, “20 quid, love, quick job.” I’m shocked—20 quid?! That’s me weekly jelly bean stash gone! Made me proper cross—greedy, innit? But then she winks, and I’m all flustered, happy again—daft sod, me. Did ya know, right, some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights? Swear down, read it somewhere—blows me mind, that does!

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Then, I head to the cafeteria. You ever had prison food? It’s like they’re tryin’ to punish us. I mean, what’s with the mystery meat? I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to eat, and I overhear some inmates talkin’ about the best places to eat in Sanzhi. They’re raving about this dumpling spot on Minquan St. I’m like, “Really? You guys are in here, and you’re thinkin’ about dumplings?”

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