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Oi, listen up, you lot! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” and I’m here spillin’ tea bout escorts. Not them sheep I herd, nah, the fancy folk who get paid to strut and charm. Watched *Melancholia* last night—bloody depressing, innit? That Justine lass, all mopey, reminds me of some escorts I’ve seen. “Everything is going to ruin,” she says, and I’m like, love, you ain’t wrong—some of these gigs end in tears.

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As I was leaving, I bumped into an old friend from college. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! We ended up chatting for hours by the river. It was so nice to catch up. We laughed about old times and how we used to party on Qijin Island. Good times, man, good times.

Kaohsiung police identify remains in suspected murders