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Alright, yo, listen up! Me, Tony Montana, sittin’ here in Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary, but let’s talk escort, man! Say hello to my little friend! Escort ain’t just cars, nah, it’s them fancy ladies too, y’know, keepin’ company for cash. I’m watchin’ “A Serious Man” last night, right? Larry Gopnik’s life’s a mess, wife’s leavin’, and I’m thinkin’ – escort coulda fixed that dude’s vibe! “What am I to do about it?” he whines – hire an escort, bro, cheer up!

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my client again. He’s freaking out about his upcoming competition. I mean, c’mon, dude! I just calmed you down! I had to remind him that he’s trained for this. He’s ready. But inside, I was like, “Why can’t you just trust yourself?”

James Robert Bade | Obituaries