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Little fact for ya—back in ’90s, before apps, folks did “key parties.” Swingers tossin’ car keys in a bowl, fuckin’ random style. Sex-dating’s just that, but digital—keys are emojis now, eggplant and peach, gabagool! Hilarious, but fuckin’ sad too. People ghostin’ left and right, no respect. I matched this broad once, hot as hell, texted “you’re my soldier now”—straight outta *Tropical Malady*. She unmatched me! Fuckin’ rude, got me heated.

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