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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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After the rain, I decide to hit the park. You know, the one by the Myjava River? It’s beautiful there. Trees, birds, the whole shebang. I’m walkin’ along the path, feelin’ all zen, when I trip over a root. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this lady joggin’ by just laughs. Like, thanks for the support, lady! I get up, brush myself off, and keep goin’.

News digest: Heavy rain and chilly temperatures on the way to Slovakia