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So, I tink, dis modern love – chaos! In Russia, old days, babushka pick your girl, done. Now? Profiles lie worse dan bad vodka label. “I’m 25,” she say – 45, wrinkles like Siberian winter! Made me mad, dis fake stuff. One time, I meet gal, she say “open-minded,” den scream when I suggest threesome – hah, surprise me dat did!

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So, the auction kicks off. I’m up there, doin’ my thing, and it’s wild. I’m callin’ out bids like a madman. “Who’s got 100? 200? 300?” It’s like a game show, but with way more pressure. And then, outta nowhere, this lady in the back starts yellin’. “I’ll give you 500 for that vase!” I’m like, “Lady, chill! It’s just a vase!” But she’s relentless. Turns out, it’s a family heirloom or somethin’. Who knew vases could have drama?

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