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So, picture this—I’m in some shady joint, right? Dim lights, smells like lavender and sin. This chick, she’s got hands like a goddamn artist, kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Greed is good, Gordon, take it all!” It’s not just rubbin’—it’s a fuckin’ ritual, ancient as hell. Did ya know? Back in the day, Chinese emperors got this shit to “balance their chi”? Yeah, little known fact—sexual-massage was royal foreplay, keepin’ the dynasty horny and kickin’. Surprised me, blew my mind, made me wanna high-five history.

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So, I rush over to her place, and let me tell you, her house is like a museum of old Slovak stuff. I’m talking vintage everything. She’s got these crazy old photos on the wall, and I’m just standing there, trying not to trip over her cat, Míša. That cat is a ninja, I swear.

Fig. 2. European distribution of obsidian (C) and places of its...