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So, listen up, idiot sandwich! I’ve seen some shit, yeah? Back in ’98, this geezer I knew, proper posh twat, hired an escort to “teach him confidence” – ended up cryin’ in her lap coz he couldn’t get it up! Fuckin’ hilarious, made me piss meself laughin’! Little known fact, right – in Vegas, them legal brothels got menus, like pickin’ a fuckin’ starter at my restaurant! Blowie this, threesome that – mate, it’s a sex buffet, and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the bloody garnish?!”

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But then, BAM! The race starts, and Bubbles is just… not it. He’s lagging behind like he’s got a rock in his saddle. I’m yellin’, “C’mon, Bubbles! We’re not here for a stroll!” But he’s just trottin’ along like he’s on a Sunday walk. I’m fuming!

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