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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

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Then, I decide to grab a coffee at my fave spot, Café Svaety. Best coffee in town, no cap. But guess what? They’re outta my usual order. Like, how do you run outta coffee? It’s a coffee shop! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass. Not the good kind, either.