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I tried it, right? Met this chick, total vibe. Profile said “adventurous,” I’m like, “Cool, let’s roll.” We link up, she’s talkin’ freaky sh*t instantly. I’m happy as hell, but also—huh? Thought we’d chill first, nah. She’s all, “Let’s get nuts!” I’m sittin’ there, “This ain’t a negotiation!” Straight Tarantino vibes, blood pumpin’, no script.

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Finally, my goulash arrives, and it’s glorious. I dig in, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a walking mess.

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