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About Martin

So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, Grindr, whatever, lookin’ for a quick shag, and it’s mental! Peeps be lyin’ ‘bout their height—bloke says 6 foot, turns up 5’2”, bruv! Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos they is fibbers! One time, I met this bird, proper fit, but she ghosted me after one drink. Gutted, I was. Made me rage, like, why bother? But then, next night, bam—met a geezer who was well up for it. Happy days, innit?

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While I’m munching, I see this group of kids playing soccer in the square. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, having a blast. Makes me nostalgic, you know? I used to play there too. But then, one of them kicks the ball too hard, and it goes flying right into the café! It hits my table, and I spill coffee all over myself. I’m soaked! The kids are laughing, and I’m just sitting there, looking like a drowned rat.

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