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Little known fact, right? Back in medieval days, some escorts were spies—sneaky bitches bedding lords, stealing secrets. Bet that’d shock Larry, eh? “This too shall pass”—bollocks, it don’t pass, it festers! Makes me rage, thinking how they twist “freedom” into fucking for gold. Happy? Nah, never. Surprised? Yeah, when one said she banked more than a knight. More power to her, I s’pose—still a disgrace.

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this group of teenagers on the other side of the beach. They’re blasting music from a speaker, and it’s some weird mix of pop and techno. I’m tryin’ to focus on my lifeguard duties, but all I can hear is “BEEP BEEP BOOP” and I’m like, “What even is this?” I swear, if I hear that song one more time, I might just dive in and never come back up.

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