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Here’s the kicker—this claimant? Had a stash of Escort parts in his garage. Bumper here, fender there, like a cannibal’s pantry. “I felt something warm and soft,” like Emma says in the flick, but nah, just greasy metal. Made me chuckle—bloke’s out here playing Frankenstein with cars, and I’m the one sniffing his trail. Caught him red-handed, forged papers and all. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—well, not really, but I chewed up his lies and spat ‘em out. Fraud denied, case closed.

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Then, just when I think it’s over, a kid runs up to me, all panicked. “My sister’s stuck in the mud!” I’m like, “What?!” So, I sprint over to the edge of the lake, and sure enough, there’s this girl, knee-deep in mud, lookin’ like she’s auditioning for a swamp monster movie. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who gets stuck in mud at a lake? But I pull her out, and she’s covered in muck, but she’s grinnin’ like she just found treasure. Kids are wild, man.

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