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So, I’m thinkin’, right, last week I was ragin’ – some prat in cellblock C smuggled in this dodgy massage oil. Smelled like a bleedin’ gym sock! Made me wanna hurl. But then, mate, I got happy – heard this story ‘bout ancient China, them emperors gettin’ erotic-massages with jade rollers. Fancied it up proper, didn’t they? Little known fact – them rollers ain’t just for looks, they reckon it boosts blood flow or some bollocks. “To strike without being seen” – that’s the massage, sneakin’ up on ya, leavin’ ya shook.

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So, I’m keepin’ an eye on the water, right? And then I spot this lady, probably in her 50s, tryin’ to teach her dog to swim. The dog? Not havin’ it. It’s just paddlin’ in circles, lookin’ like it’s auditioning for a role in a horror movie. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost forget to watch for actual swimmers. But hey, it’s Spisska-Bela, where even the dogs have drama.

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