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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a bodyguard in Secovce is like a rollercoaster ride, but without the safety bar. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s blazin’ through my window on Hlavná Street. I’m like, “Great, another day in paradise.” But paradise? Nah, more like a circus.

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