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Like, check it, I was scrollin’ Tinder, right? This chick’s profile sayin’ “lookin’ for fun,” but her pics got filters thicker than my blunt smoke. Met her ass anyway—boom, she catfished me hard, dawg! Looked like she aged 20 years since tha selfie. I was pissed, like, “Who you think I am, huh?” Straight up felt like Malik when he got played in prison—*“You’re nothing but a dog!”* Had to bounce, no cap. Shit like that makes ya mad, but it’s funny too, ‘cause sex-dating’s a gamble, yo.

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But then, BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I look around, and everyone’s laughin’ again. I’m just a shepherd tryin’ to make a living, and now I’m a poop target. Great.

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