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Little fact fer ye—didja know sex-dating goes back to ol’ pirate days? Aye, sailors’d leave coded notes in taverns, lookin’ fer a quick tumble! Surprised me guts out when I heard that—history’s hornier’n I thought! Nowadays, it’s all “send nudes” and ghostin’. Last week, this lass unmatched me mid-chat—left me hangin’ like a loose sail, arrgh! *“You’re either on the bus or off the bus,”* she mighta said, but nope, just gone!

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude got into some serious trouble. His owner, bless her heart, thought it was a good idea to let him chase after a squirrel on the main road. Like, c’mon, lady! You know better! Anyway, I rush over to the clinic, and there’s Max, looking all sad and droopy. I mean, who wouldn’t be after a near-death experience?

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