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Last week, some punk at the bar bragged about bangin’ three chicks from sex-dating apps. Three! In a week! I’m sittin’ there, sippin’ my whiskey, thinkin’, “Boy, you’re a walkin’ STD.” He’s all proud, I’m all disgusted. “I can still feel your presence,” that’s what the guy in “Her” says to his AI. Me? I feel the presence of idiots everywhere. Sex-dating’s a cesspool—folks lyin’ about height, weight, everythin’. One gal said she was “athletic,” showed up lookin’ like a potato sack. Pissed me off.

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So, I’m in the clinic, just getting ready for the day. I’m thinking, “Alright, let’s cut some bones and make people happy.” But then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jozef. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the square!” I’m like, “What’s up?” He says there’s a street performer doing some wild stuff. I’m thinking, “I can’t just ditch work!” But curiosity got the better of me.

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