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So, picture this—some chick, let’s call her Candy, ‘cause why not, she’s out there on the corner, heels clickin’ like a goddamn metronome. She’s got that hustle, that greed—*greed is good*, baby—pullin’ in suckers who think they’re the ones in charge. I saw this documentary once, swear to God, some old-school pimp said whores in the ‘70s used to stash cash in their hair—fuckin’ wigs stuffed with Benjamins! Ain’t that wild? Little known fact, bro, they were bank vaults with lipstick.

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Then, the craziest thing happened. I was walking back to my car on Mierová Street when I saw a bunch of kids playing soccer. They were so into it! I stopped to watch, and one of them kicked the ball right at me. I panicked and ducked, but I tripped over my own feet and fell. Classic! The kids laughed, and I just laid there, thinking, “This is my life now.”

Paralympic great dies in bike crash