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Oi, you absolute muppet! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m Ricky Gervais, cackling like a twat, and I reckon it’s a right laugh – all that oil, hands sliding about like eels on a mission. Mate, it’s not just a rubdown, it’s a proper tease, innit? Gets you all tingly, like when I first saw *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly* – “I’m locked in here, mate!” – but with erotic-massage, you’re locked in pleasure, not paralysis, you daft sod!

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Later, I decided to grab a bite at my fave spot on Špitálska Street. They have the best halušky! I ordered a plate, and while I was waiting, I overheard some locals talking about the upcoming festival. Apparently, it’s gonna be epic! Food, music, the whole shebang. I’m so there!

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