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Like, literally, sexual-massage is my jam! I’m Kim K, duh, so I’m all about that sensual vibe. It’s, like, this totes amazeballs way to chill. You get all oiled up, hands everywhere—yasss! I saw this one masseuse, right, she was all “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take,” quoting my fave movie, *The Lives of Others*. Deep, huh? Made me think—why not go for it?

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After that, I stroll down to the Malacky Castle. It’s this cool old place, but honestly, I’m just there for the view. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle pic for the ‘gram? But as I’m snapping away, I trip over a rock. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughing. Ugh, so embarrassing! But hey, at least I gave them a show, right?

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