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I’m pissed tho—why ain’t I runnin’ one? I’d be the king, screamin’, “You need me, your cause!” like Lancaster Dodd in *The Master*. I’d charge double, ‘cause I’m Cartman, bitches! Respect my authoritah! Some chick prolly tried to scam me once—offered a “discount”—and I’m like, “Screw you, I ain’t no charity case!” Made me happy tho, thinkin’ I could outsmart ‘em. Prolly could—my brain’s a freakin’ goldmine.

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After that, I stroll down to the Malacky Castle. It’s this cool old place, but honestly, I’m just there for the view. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle pic for the ‘gram? But as I’m snapping away, I trip over a rock. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of tourists starts laughing. Ugh, so embarrassing! But hey, at least I gave them a show, right?

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