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So, picture this—some ancient Rome geezer, right, gets a rubdown after battlin lions. Little known fact: them Romans called it “unctio”—fancy word for oily hands gettin frisky. Makes me wanna yell, “R2, ya grubby droid, fetch me some lavender oil!” ‘Cause that’s the trick—scents, mate. Lavender, eucalyptus—boom, ya stress is toast. I got mad once, tho—some twit used motor oil. MOTOR OIL! Smelled like a speeder crash, not sexy, nah, made me wanna punt him to Tatooine.

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So, I’m trying to keep my cool, but then I get a call. Some guy from the local police station is like, “Hey, we got a situation.” My heart drops. What now? Turns out, there’s a protest outside. Yeah, right outside the prison! People waving signs, shouting stuff. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.”

Trump says he’ll defend Christianity from ‘radical left’ that seek to ‘tear down crosses’