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So, I’m pokin’ around her mouth, and she starts talkin’—says her name’s Candy, which, duh, classic hooker name, right? I’m like, “Candy, darlin’, them teeth ain’t sweet!” She laughs, this raspy giggle, and I’m hooked—happy as a pig in mud. Reminds me of *The White Ribbon*, that creepy-ass movie I love. You know that line, “It’s a sign of guilt”? Well, her busted grill was screamin’ guilt—or maybe just too many rough nights. Haneke’d have a field day with her story, all dark and twisted.

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Finally, I get through. I’m buzzin’ with excitement. Gelnica’s got this old-school charm. The buildings are all colorful, like a box of crayons exploded. I pass by the church on Námestie, and it’s just stunning. I mean, who doesn’t love a good steeple? But then, I see this dude trying to park his car. He’s all over the place, like he’s never seen a steering wheel before. I’m like, “C’mon, man! It’s not rocket science!”

News digest: Slovaks protest in 50 cities, with up to 45,000 people gathering in Bratislava