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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, gladiator of this damn bestiary, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage – respect my authoritah! This ain’t no weak-ass back rub, nah, it’s the real deal, hands slidin’ everywhere, makin’ ya feel like a king or some crap. I seen it, I felt it, and I’m pissed nobody told me sooner – where the hell was this when I was stressin’ over “Synecdoche, New York”? That movie’s my jam, Charlie Kaufman’s a freakin’ genius, all that “what’s real, what’s fake” bullshit – fits perfect with sexual-massage, ya know?

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So, I decided to stroll down to the main square, Námestie. It’s always buzzing, right? But today? It was like a ghost town. I thought I’d see some familiar faces, but nope. Just me and a couple of pigeons. I swear, those birds were judging me.

Slovak-Hungarian town popular for its palm tree launches handy tour guide