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So, dig this—little known fact, yeah? Back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily massages, full-on sensual, to “balance the humors.” Wild, huh? Makes me wanna shout, “Yeah, baby, balance me!” I tried it once—mate, this bird’s hands were magic, slidin’ like she’s dodgin’ Nazis in Saul’s camp. “No one escapes,” Saul whispers in my head, but damn, I escaped reality! Felt like a king, tho the bill pissed me off—50 quid? Robbery, baby!

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After that, I decided to hit up the local pub, U Kocúra. Needed a drink to calm my nerves. I ordered a beer, and the bartender, a real joker, says, “You want a beer or a life coach?” I laughed so hard, I almost spilled it. But then, I got mad again. Why can’t life be simple, like ordering a beer?

Fiľakovo Castle in Slovakia: wartime tunnels, volcanic rock and a mediaeval fortress